


Thank You

by camelot_king



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Arthur is wonderful, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Catharsis, Character Death, Character Study, Forbidden Love, LIKE EVER, M/M, Sad Merlin (Merlin), but also it's cathartic, this is the most depressing thing I've written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:55:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24463132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camelot_king/pseuds/camelot_king
Summary: He would hold on a little longer, Arthur thought, if only to have one more glimpse of those eyes.‘The most beautiful eyes’, came the fleeting thought, through Arthur’s sluggish senses.The ones that had turned a brilliant gold in the name of his crown. The ones that scolded him, cajoled him, pleaded him, and loved him. Yes, Arthur decided, with a peaceful, small smile. They would be the last thing he wanted to see in this world.a.k.a.Arthur's last day of life through his own eyes.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 94





	Thank You

Arthur knew, long before Merlin would even consider the possibility, that his last breaths would be that day. 

He had watched, almost silently, as Merlin-- with the conviction and determination of a true knight and eyebrows furrowed in stubborn concentration, rode on, leading Arthur’s tired horse further through the seemingly endless woods. 

"The lake," he kept saying to Arthur, "will solve everything."

And Arthur had quietly gone along with it. 

He didn’t tell Merlin about how his vision was fuzzy around the edges-- how he could feel the dull rattle in his chest, the thrum of an unhealed wound slowly poisoning his energy. He didn’t tell Merlin that his sense of awareness was slowly seeping away, leaving him in a whirlwind of blurry trees as they rode swiftly through hallways of green. 

Arthur was at peace. He would die with the man that was most loyal to him, a man that he loved with all his heart. He wasn’t afraid of his death, but he knew more than anything, that Merlin was.

He could see it, though Merlin hid it away behind his determined grins, his typically funny remarks. Merlin, Arthur knew, was more afraid than he had ever known him to be. 

He could see the pain and despair in those endless blue eyes of his, the ones that he had known so well-- the ones that had been a beautiful mystery to him for years. 

They were also the ones that seemed to be the only thing in focus for Arthur. 

Merlin was keeping himself busy, strong, fussing with food that he had cooked on the fire. Arthur drunk it all in, quietly filing away Merlin just being Merlin-- fully as himself. With every glance that Arthur memorized, he found a canvas of pain-- of love, of loyalty, and of sacrifice. 

That was what he wanted to see for his last day, Arthur decided silently, a small smile on his face as he watched the man.

‘Does that mean you’re going to give me the day off then?’

‘Two.’ 

He could see how Merlin’s hands would tremble, just the slightest bit, as he wrenched Arthur to his feet, dragging him with a desperation that only a true friend could have. 

Arthur watched and tried to mask the sounds of his own pained breathing, hoping that he could spare Merlin that pain. The pain of knowing that he would lose him, even though it was inevitable.

He couldn’t bear it if he hurt him. 

‘I don’t want you to change. I want you… to always be you.’ 

And so, on that long, tiring journey, he didn’t tell Merlin any last messages to the wife he had left alone, the brothers in arms that he fought with valiantly, not even a message to his own kingdom, and the loyal subjects he had left behind. 

And when the time came, Arthur, again, was ready-- but Merlin was not. 

He could feel Merlin’s panicked footfalls, his strong arms wrapped around him, his fast inhales and exhales as he desperately continued on, refusing to believe what destiny had already carved into stone. 

As all this was happening, Arthur would glance up at the blurry, blue sky, almost ready to close his eyes for good. Merlin’s panicked breaths as he determinedly dragged Arthur along comforted him. 

Even though he wouldn’t be there to witness it, Merlin would still be alive. Merlin would be safe. 

And Arthur, too, had known that he wanted to say goodbye, only to Merlin. He also knew that Merlin would not want this. 

Finally, through pleads he could hardly recognize as his own voice, they were lying on the ground, Merlin’s arms encircling him tightly-- unable to let go. 

Arthur wondered, tiredly, if he would ever let go after Arthur was gone. 

He hoped so.

‘Merlin,’ Arthur had whispered. Everything was fading, and he could feel it all-- every ache and pain that he’d acquired in battle was numbing. Merlin was pleading with him, his blue eyes fiery and welling with tears. 

He would hold on a little longer, Arthur thought, if only to have one more glimpse of those eyes. 

‘The most beautiful eyes’, came the fleeting thought, through Arthur’s sluggish senses. 

The ones that had turned a brilliant gold in the name of his crown. The ones that scolded him, cajoled him, pleaded him, and loved him. Yes, Arthur decided, with a peaceful, small smile. They would be the last thing he wanted to see in this world. 

Because those eyes deserved more than the world had to offer to them.

‘Thank you,’ he had managed, knowing that goodbye would be too final, too much. Even as Merlin’s eyes were fading away, Arthur was trying to tell him through his own unwavering gaze, that it was alright. He had done nothing wrong. 

He had forced his hand to cooperate, returning, even in the smallest form, Merlin’s tight embrace before he sighed his last breath. 

‘I love you,’ the wind had whispered, and Arthur had hoped that Merlin had heard it, ‘and I always will.’


End file.
